Behind
Darkness comes across my vision. I can’t see the light. People’s voices knocking my ears. I want to reach those voices; I want to feel their warmth…
Heads going to different directions and heading towards their purpose. This is what happens every day, doing things that would fill the time given to us.
The house and school- places I fill most of my time, places where my life evolves.
Marie, a friend of mine who always tell about her problems to anyone, loves to hear pieces of advice even on the smallest problems that she have.
“Riza, he didn’t text me”, cried Marie.
I look at her and said, “It’s alright, maybe he’s very busy. Just understand your crush. Actually, he’s not involved with you in the first place.”
“ But it’s hurting me. You can’t understand it because you haven’t tried to love and have troubles in your life!”, Marie exclaimed.
I pause for a while and smile. I tap her shoulder and bid goodbye.
Her words play in my mind. Am I that lucky to be like what she said or she’s lucky enough not to be like me? There are lots of questions behind those words left unanswered.
A miracle silence! This is very unusual in the house. I don’t hear insulting nuances of people around. It makes me breath peacefully. I remember my friends asking me why I would prefer to use house rather than home…
“Without foundations, you can’t build a home”, the words I utter every time and I always end it with a smile; a smile that serves as a mask to lure people. They just don’t know what I have in the house.
When I’m within the four corners of my room, I feel suffocated, especially when I hear those yelling voices, and the only way to breath out all what I hide is through my eyes. Those crystals witness all the pain I have…
“Riz, you topped the major exams! Congratulations!”, our adviser exclaimed.
I laugh and smile for I reap what I sow for so many nights.
“You’re very lucky Riz! You’re the best! You have everything in this world! Let’s celebrate with Khris and Marie!”, said Alex.
I nod and smile for I’ll be with my friends to celebrate and enjoy life. Alex is Khris’ boyfriend. He’s a type of person who opens his small and big problems only to us. He tells almost everything.
Enjoyment with my friends is a pleasure to me. It’s an escape to the world that I am in.
The day is over, and the night comes. I’m back in the place I treat as hell for it burns up to the innermost flesh. Nothing remains in me when…
“Riz, where have you been? You’re very useless”, father exclaimed.
“ I just went out for a while to celebrate for the exams are over”, I said.
“Futile celebrations! You should not spend your time for that. You really don’t use your head. I will never expect you to lift this family from the grave. With your attitude, you will never be successful; you will live in darkness like other people- you, useless entity!”
I can’t move my mouth. I just stare him, look him blankly as if no other thing is existing. After a while, I just feel droplets on my feet, pouring all the lumps in my heart. He doesn’t know how I work so hard to gain his all recognition. He doesn’t know how hard I try to please him. He doesn’t know how painful it is to understand that I’m just a fruit of two people’s sin. Are they treating me like this because I just make their life miserable?
I come back to my senses- eyes fixed on his eyes. I can’t bear the pain anymore. I run to my room where no one could see me like this.
How could I stop all these miseries? All my hardships just turn into dust on my father’s eyes. Why he’s blinded on all the sacrifices I made just to get his attention? Why?
I’m not in myself anymore. I feel like being eaten with all the pain I got. I want to stop it now!
Blood, I see blood. It’s getting my strength little by little… I could see my father looking at me. There’s my mother who smiles at me. I see my friends laughing and giving their hands to lift me up. But… Why they’re starting to fade little by little. Where are you going? I see a young girl who smiles and lifts her arms waiting for me to carry her but her eyes filled with tears. I know her, she’s my only sister. Oh no! She’s starting to fade. Wait!
Darkness comes across my vision. I can’t see the light. People’s voices knocking my ears. I want to reach those voices; I want to feel their warmth…
I open my eyes. I see my mother and my sister crying over me. I try to reach them but they’re too far. I want to get back! There are people who still believe in me. This isn’t the end; this is the beginning of life. I was wrong. Please, lift my hands, reach me! I’m begging…
Now, I see myself panting, reaching my breath while lying on my bed. There’s someone knocking on the door- a little voice from a girl.
I open it and she rushes towards me. Then, she wraps her arms into my waist.
“I love you Ate!”, she said.
Tears fall from my eyes and said, “I love you too my dear sister!”
Haiku is a short poem composed of 17 syllables (5-first line, 7- second line, 5- third line). It is adapted from the Japanese literature which portrays a certain phenomena in nature that has an implications on human life.
